


The Stark that Roared

by AnonEhouse



Category: Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Mouse That Roared - Leonard Wibberley
Genre: Crack Treated Seriously, Crossover, Crossovers & Fandom Fusions, Fluff and Crack, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-04
Updated: 2013-12-04
Packaged: 2018-01-03 12:15:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1070364
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnonEhouse/pseuds/AnonEhouse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony Stark was sent to boarding school when he was seven. But where? Where in the world would he learn an appreciation for alchoholic beverages, handmade armor and nuclear physics?</p><p>Obviously, it was in the Duchy of Grand Fenwick.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Stark that Roared

**Author's Note:**

> A bit of fluff, cuz the current WIP for a prompt on AvengerKink has run out of plot 7,000 words in, and this little idea sat up and begged.

(If you are reading this on any PAY site this is a STOLEN WORK, the author has NOT Given Permission for it to be here. If you're paying to read it, you're being cheated too because you can read it on Archiveofourown for FREE.)

The first time Rhodey traveled with Tony on his private jet, he tried to ignore the outrageous ostentation; the stripper pole and the wall to wall video and the hot and hotter running flight attendants. His eye was caught by an anachronous decoration on the bulkhead. "What's that?" he pointed to the two-headed black eagle. "I thought the Stark emblem was, you know, a swoosh."

Tony glanced at the eagle. "Oh, yeah, it is. That goes further back. Back to 'the old country'. We don't use it much, but eh, eagle, plane. They both fly. Seemed to go together."

"Uh huh." Rhodey thought that made as much sense as anything Tony ever did. He got out the paperwork for the latest contract the Air Force wanted him to sell Tony on.

 

"Nice sparrow," Tony said, several years later, leaning over to look at Steve's sketchbook.

Steve frowned. "It's a nuthatch."

"Well, not when I went to school. Back me up on this, Jarvis. Isn't that a sparrow?"

"I beg to differ, sir. Captain Rogers' depiction is clearly a nuthatch."

Tony peered at it closer and shook his head. "Sparrow." He wandered off while Steve was trying to figure out what kind of sparrow looks like a nuthatch.

 

"Oh, sure, you can shoot anything when you're in the suit, and Jarvis is doing all the aiming," Clint said. The Avengers (minus Thor, who was visiting Jane) were having a day off at Stark Mansion, and Clint had been amusing himself by shooting acorns off one of the old trees on the grounds.

"I didn't learn to shoot in the suit," Tony replied.

"Yeah, fancy self-targeting gun, right?"

"No, actually, I learned on a genuine wooden bow at boarding school. Still have it, as a matter of fact."

"Go get it, then. Let's see what you can do."

"Well, the first one was a kid's bow, but I kept up with it until I graduated to the real deal. Not sure I still have a string for it."

"Yeah, excuses, excuses." Clint casually got off a shot behind his back, knocking down two acorns at once. "Put up or shut up, Stark."

Tony narrowed his eyes. "Fine. I may have to make a new string. Don't wear yourself out before I return." Tony headed for the house. "JARVIS! Do we have apples?"

 

"They're going to shoot apples off each other's _heads_?" Steve asked. 

"I talked them into using the armors," Bruce replied, pointing at the pair of Iron Men standing before the trees. He was munching on a yellow apple from a basket on a small table between a pair of benches. "This should be good."

Steve sat next to Bruce and grabbed an apple. Natasha joined them and began peeling an apple of her own, using a knife that hadn't been in evidence a moment ago. "They're still trying to decide whose is bigger?" she asked.

"Looks that way." Steve crunched his apple and watched Clint set up the targets. He heard heavy footsteps behind him, but he was used to Tony in his armor, so he didn't look back.

Natasha looked, though, and made a strangled noise, like a choked off laugh. "I think Stark is trying too hard."

Bruce and Steve turned at that. Tony was stomping up the lawn in armor all right, but this was chain mail, with assorted medieval fittings. Plus a longbow, Tony's height, so he had to carry it slightly elevated to keep it from dragging through the grass.

"What the hell, Stark, you rob a museum?" Clint shouted.

"Hah. A friend made me the bow as a going away present. I made the armor in metal shop class. We always shot while armored, so that's what I'm used to. You good to go, Robin?"

"Yeah, sure, Little John." Clint turned, snatched an arrow, drew and fired. The arrow took the apple off the armor and carried to the oak tree behind it, pinning it to the bark.

"Points for speed and accuracy," Tony admitted. He drew his bow, holding a broad-headed arrow loosely in his fingers as he did. The mail didn't cover his arms, so the muscles working to pull the string back to his ear stood out. He held it at full draw for a second, smiled and then released the arrow. The apple resting on the second Iron Man's head pretty much disintegrated on contact. "And that, gentlemen and lady, is how you make applesauce." Tony sketched a partial bow, hindered by the chain mail.

"Huh," Clint said. He came over and stared at the bow. "Can I?"

"Sure. Draw force is 160 pounds. Jarvis seems to have kept it in good shape." Tony flexed his arms. "Only fair, bows like that kept me in good shape in school."

"What kind of school did you go to?" Bruce asked. "They sure didn't offer anything like that at Culver."

"Public school in a little nation in Europe. The curriculum was amazingly varied. Natural history, bird watching and forestry with Pierce Bascom. Archery and military tactics with his son, Tully. Nuclear physics with Professor Kokintz. Metal shop with whichever of the palace armorers had time that week. That sort of thing. Of course, we had to go out at harvest time to help bring in the crop, but that was fun."

Tony got a nostalgic, faraway look in his eyes. "Duchess Gloriana always showed up to help stomp grapes in the barrel with all us kids. To this day, I find purple feet very sexy." He brightened. "Oh, hey, that reminds me, a shipment of Pinot Grand Fenwick- Premier Cru arrived last week!" 

He headed for the mansion, leaving the bow with Clint. "I just have to check it's safe to drink. Last batch had Pinotium 64. It kept exploding. I love it when my booze has a kick." He began humming. "I never can remember the lyrics to our National Anthem... Jarvis! Look up the Grand Fenwick National Anthem! Maybe AC/DC can do something with it."

**Author's Note:**

> For those who haven't seen the 1963 movie 'The Mouse that Roared' or the sequel 'The Mouse on the Moon' (or better still read the books).
> 
> Grand Fenwick was a tiny country whose economy depended on sale of the wine they made, and when their protests that a US made knockoff was hurting them was ignored, they declared war on the US (which was also ignored) so they sent a small troop of men in mail armor using longbows to New York city, and defeated the US by capturing Dr. Kokintz and his newly created Q-bomb. They were very proud of their wildlife, and just because other people called the bird a nuthatch didn't impress them. It was a Grand Fenwickian Sparrow, thank you very much.
> 
> Fun movies, especially the first one- but I like the books better, for one thing, Gloriana is young, beautiful and clever in the books, but in the movies is a very old lady often bemused by events. Tony did not stomp grapes with aged Gloriana, but the young and very attractive woman in the books.


End file.
